In my earlier blog, How Do I Squeeze Thee, I show how a current trend in subscription marketing is turning people into money conveyor belts that pour wealth into the pockets of increasingly sophisticated advertising executives. (What? You thought those hundred-million-dollar high rise towers they inhabit were magically dropped out of heaven? No … YOU pay for them.) In this blog, I demonstrate how the small businesses that pay for the pollution of ads that make it impossible to enjoy … well … just about anything these days … are also victims.

Exhibit A: house rain gutters

Have you noticed how multiple brands of house rain gutters are all over TV these days?

(Confession: I don’t pay for anything that I can avoid. So, I don’t stream anything on TV or subscribe to any premium channels, or anything like that. I may be bombarded with more of these ads than you are.)

For MONTHS … since early last year I believe … at least three different companies have been paying for thousands of thirty second ads to convince me to buy their rain gutters. That’s gotta cost a lot. But the question is, “Who knew there was enough money in rain gutters to pay for all those ads?” Before they started appearing like 17 year locusts, I never, ever thought about whether my rain gutters were a critical component of my house. I worried more about my … oh … water heater, air conditioner, refrigerator … Heck! … at least a hundred things were higher on my list of things to worry about than rain gutters.

So, why are those companies paying for all these ads?

(Confession #2: All of this is my own analysis and reasoning. I have zero actual evidence to prove my conclusions.)

I have a theory.

Entrepreneur: I just designed a killer new rain gutter for my business. It’s selling like Mexican drugs here in my town. I want to go national and buy a ten million dollar ocean view house in Palo Verde! Oh! Palo Verde just fell into the ocean? Well, you know what I mean.

Ad Man (Or, to take advantage of biological compulsions, Ad Woman): Have we got a deal for you!

Different Manufacturer: Sales of our rain gutters have fallen off a cliff! That new brand rain gutter I see all over TV is raining all over my parade. I’ve gotta do something!

Ad Man or Woman : Go big or go home! Have we got a deal for you.

Entrepreneur: Rain-Gutters-R-Us is eating my plan to buy a twenty million dollar ocean view house in Florida. Oh! It’s under water now? Well, you know what I mean.

Ad Woman: If Napoleon had put one more battalion into action at Waterloo, he would have stolen Wellington’s boots. You can win! We have this package of ads that will guarantee that nobody in America will be able to avoid seeing them unless they live under a rock.

Thousands and thousands of thirty-second ads later —-

“Well, Mabel, I guess we’ll have to declare bankruptcy and I’ll have to go back to work for my brother-in-law again.”

Ad Man —-

We can get that condo on the 82^nd floor of that new tower overlooking Central Park. Your husband and my wife will never find out about it.

By the way, have you seen how you can remodel your bathroom in just one day! And at such an affordable price!